Lately I’ve run across some lists that talk about developmental markers that people should reach by the time they’re 30, 40 or 50. These lists sometimes include things like having identified your signature alcoholic drink that you like to order at a bar or knowing your body type. Not really being a consistent alcohol consumer, I did not always agree with these lists so I decided to make my own list of arbitrary milestones that make me feel successful. These milestones are as follows:   

5.  Writing Your Own Body’s User Manual

  
This is a critical milestone because everyone will readily tell you how to diet or exercise or otherwise get healthy and manage your body. I think most of these suggested methods do not work for everyone and do not take into account one key part of the body, the brain. So what works for your arms, butt or thighs might not work for your psychological state. And at 45 I am increasingly getting little aches and pains and other physical limitations. However, I also have learned more and more about my mind and body’s reactions to certain foods and physical experiences that I think I know how to incrementally seek sustainable nutritional improvements and how to push myself in terms of physical exertion.

4.  Know Your Social Identity

  
As we get older, we often get set in our ways so it is important that in shared or public settings we understand how we feel good interacting and what boundaries need to be set. If you are a playful flirt, find other like-minded individuals to talk to and avoid the very sensitive individuals who might be either overly encouraged or hurt by your actions. If you are a serious community activist, ask the flirt for his or her support to the cause but don’t corner them for long periods of time to talk about various details of a complex issue. You have to be self-aware enough to understand how to “get in where you fit in.”

3.  Know Your Alone Identity

  
One thing I’ve noticed is that for most there will be times in life in which you are all by yourself. Even if this alone time is only for an hour or so, it is important that you can enjoy your own company. When the needs and interactions of others are not shaping your behavior, what do you do (besides sleeping)? This answer can tell you a lot about yourself and can actually help guide your life management overall.

2.  Know How To Do Your Own Hair

  
Okay this one is for all you salon loyalists. News flash, your hair is part of your body and as in the above point #5, you need to know the ins and outs of how it responds to various products and treatments. Please do not reach your 40s still blaming a myriad of hair stylists for your hair misfortunes. Also when a stylist may not be available to you, you need to be able to find and execute a solution. I promise you are not the first nor only person on the planet with a certain hair texture, growth pattern, etc. Find healthy options for you to rock out. What you don’t love, probably won’t love you back.

1.  Know How To Make Choices and Shoulder The Consequences

Lastly another fact of life is that in the end no one else will really bear the consequences of your life decisions. So make your life decisions really count. Making choices you believe in means that whatever the consequences, you do not cede power over your life to another other person or entity. Now living like this is not completely hedonistic, in execution it means you have to prioritize your values and lose some battles to win bigger wars. But ultimately you should always plan to catch yourself if a fall is coming and if someone gives you an unconditionalsafety net, say thank you for that little bit of happiness.